Saturday, November 13, 2010

人形Sand and time, capturing a Puppet’s love人形(Request one-shot for deidarasluver262)





Name: Mizore
Age: Somewhere in her 40’s (Same age as Sasori)
Village: Sand
Rank: Missing Nin
Looks:Is up above
Abilities/Kekkei Genkai: She can copy any Kekkei Genkai and can also use ice and water styles natural with out using her chakra too.
Personality: she can be nice and mean at times but if you catch her in the right mood she can be the coolest person you ever meet
Horoscope Sign: Aquarius

STORY START:

You rushed at your attacker, swiftly and fast. Grabbing what Leader-sama requested and bolted back to base, entering in you see your long time and only friend Sasori heading to his room. “Sasori.” You greeted passing him, he looks up. “Mizore.” He greeted back, you stopped in front of Leader’s room knocking twice before you heard ‘Enter’ in which case you opened and closed walking over the orange haired man standing next to Konan. “Mission was a success target eliminated, here is what you requested Leader-sama.” You said bowing your head in respect and pulled out the scripture handing it to him.

“You’ve done well Mizore, rest for now your next mission will not be solo. You will go with Deidara and Sasori.” He said. “Hai.” You responded and left afterwards. Pein rubs his temples, as he and Konan watch you leave. “Damn why is my heart racing after leader said Sasori’s name.” You whispered to yourself, holding your hand over your beating heart. You walked ten step north then you turned east going twenty steps, and soon stopped in front of your door. You turned the knob, twisting it open.

“Mi-chan!” You hear Tobi scream, he was running down the hall west of your position. You knew this game all to well, Tobi once again pissed a member off, Deidara. “Tobi, no!” You shout, after being dragged into your own room. “What did you do this time?” You harshly ask, Tobi stands up against the door, listening for Deidara to pass. “Tobi good boy?” He says, turning his head towards you. “Yes, Tobi is a good boy. Now what did you do?” You reasked him, Tobi walks to your bed sitting down on it.

“Tobi, only played with Deidara-senpai’s clay.” He says, childishly. Just as Pein did you begun to rub your temples. “And what else?” You added, with your hands resting up on your hips. “I also was playing with some of Sasori-senpai’s puppets, and accidently got some clay on one.” He replies, then just after he tells you, a sudden loud explosion could be heard down the hall. Tobi wasn’t kidding when he said that, cause your bedroom door swung open, revealing a very angry red head puppet.

“Ah!” Screams Tobi, running once again out of your room and down some more random hall, still screaming his lungs off. Sasori turns his gaze from your door to you, and then instead he turns all the way around to leave. “Sasori, when should we leave to our next mission?” You ask, he stops but he was thinking, as he says finally, “Leader-sama says we should leave tonight, since it will take us four days to get to the Mist village.” You stood up, walking behind him, “And Deidara, what is he to do then?” You ask, placing your hand up on his shoulder. “He is to fly, over to give us a partical distraction. Long enough for us to enter, and leave with the weapon.” He replies, turning his head to see you.

“Mizore.” He says, ever so softly. “Yes, Sasori-kun.” You reply, blushing a tint pink on your cheeks. “How long have we’ve know each other?” He suddenly asks, yes a question you weren’t really sure about why he would ask, yet you still replied, “Since we were four, why?” His head turns from your gaze, and he once again starts to walk out, but just as he was about to close the door he said, “No reason, I just asked.” Out of everything, Sasori was never the one to randomly ask such question, so it seemed like something was bothering him.

After you’ve been at Sasori’s side for over thirty years, you noticed he was always distant, yet the look in his eyes burned to your core. It was cold, sad and something else you just couldn’t put your finger on. You started to gather the things in a pack that you would need, a few hours later after the sun had set. A knock came to your door, a voice calling out at the same time. “Coming, Deidara.” You reply, opening the door and leaving behind him. You and Deidara make way to the exit and entrance of the hideout, after seeing Sasori already standing there waiting.

You did a jutsu, moving the huge boulder of stone to leave. Once all three of you were out, you released the jutsu letting the stone close once again. With swift pace, the three of you rode on Deidara’s large clay bird, even though Sasori mostly walked. On the fourth day, the sun hit high up in the sky, and you knew it was noon from the angle of it. Deidara landed in front of Sasori, the wing leaned down allowing you to jump off. “Deidara, don’t keep us waiting for long.” Sasori said, while hiding in one of his puppets. “Yeah, un.” Deidara replies, flying up in the sky. You and Sasori, hide by the gate in the bushes watching as Deidara set of bombs everyewhere to gather all the ninjas’ attention.

When Deidara set off three bombs in a row, which was your signal to move. Jumping and running around the building as you and Sasori make it in Kage building, to snatch the staff weapon. You both entered expecting to be some ninja guards, but as you and Sasori walk down and up the stairs. You both noticed it was way to quiet, so your gazes looked around, cautiously. Sasori watched your back, as you opened the large wooden door, entering and quickly grabbing the staff off its shrine. Unfortunately, several ninjas appeared, surrounding both you and Sasori.

You secured the staff behind you, as you fought back and dodged their hits. Sasori summoned two of his puppets out fighting back, just as you jumped, kicked, punched and dodged. “Give us the staff, onna.” You pulled two kunai’s out striking as the ninja dodged your attach, you went for a round house kick, but failed as your body was attacked from your blind side, causing you to be tossed harshly against the stone walls surrounding the building. You coughed after impact, small trials of your own blood seeped out of your mouth and down your bottom lip.

You stood up sparingly, your side hurting from the kick, and you whole back and head taking a toll. You could feel blood running down the side of your head, where it met with the wall. Sasori noticed, the way your hands moved he knew you were about to do you forbidden water jutsu, and he even noticed the condition you were in. You formed a water wall around the men, and then did another jutsu to harden it to ice, but once you did that your body slowly started to fade. You knew you lost more blood doing the jutsus, you dropped to your knees losing yourself.

Another ninja leaped forward, four of them surround you. You blinked the sweat cover blood from you left eye, and wiped the remaining from your mouth and forehead. You folded your hands together, doing another jutsu; then held your position doing your family kekkei genkai; Sasori noticed you were copying him. Taking the third Kazekage from him to use as a surprised attack, as he took out some more ninjas on his side. You close your eyes focusing on the puppet moving behind, attacking some as others dodged. Once again you slowly started to lose the puppet, leaving yourself open for an attack.

Again you dropped to your knees, and for that quick moment two of the ninjas that dodged noticed and took that as there invite. Both attacking you on each side, not giving you enough to dodge as they both twisted around and kicking you once again to the wall, hard. You looked up, coughing again and unable to move your right arm since it was now broken. You could hear them approaching slowly, your eyes moved to where Sasori is. He turned after killing his last enemy; he saw the two coming and used his puppet to kill them as you lost sighted, blacking out for the injuries you took.

Unknown to you, Sasori removed your pack, and staff. He picked your limp body up in his arms, leaving the building to meet up with Deidara on the roof. “Sasori-senpai, what happened to Mizore?” Deidara asked, seeing all the blood and wounds on you. Sasori said nothing, the winged clay bird titled enough for Sasori to lay your injured body down, and get on himself. “Hurry up Deidara, head to the south hidden cave so that we can rest, heal and treat any injuries we have.” Sasori says, Deidara nods taking the bird to the sky.

Sasori tore some extra clothing off his armor puppet, wrapping them temporary around the bleeding wounds, to stop the heavy flow of blood seeping from them.

Three days have passed; you slowly opened your eyes. As cloudy as they are you were still able to see the damp, fire background echoing off the cave you were in. “Finally you’re awake, un.” Deidara says, his bright blue eye looking over you as he hovered over your laying body. Slowly you started to sit up, Deidara assisting you. Squinting your eyes shut a bit from feeling the pain shoot up, as your left arm moves over your stomach, holding tightly.

“We’ll leave in the morning, so you both rest up. I really hate waiting on people, but this is something we need to.” Sasori’s blank dead, voice calls. His slumped over puppet body, enters the cave. “Sasori-sama?” You called, your voice barely speaking without the sound of pain echoing from your lips. “Three days, Mizore.” Was all he said in his usual non-void of a tone, as he simply lies in the corner of the cave. The fire provided dim lighting, flying rapidly around the walls as your mind came at ease.

Deidara looks at you then over to where Sasori was, you quirked your brow trying to see what it was he seemed to be pondering about. “Deidara, what is it now?” You asked seeing his only blue eye look at you. “How did Sasori knew what you were about to ask, un?” He asks, and you smirk laying back down with your arm behind your head, elbows popped out. “We’ve known each other far too long, and we know what each other will ask or say at times too.” You reply, closing your eyes. “Really, yeah?” He says, smiling down to you, and then looking at Sasori who was now looking over towards you and him.

The morning came, cool and stead fast with your eyes snapping open before dusk. You looked over seeing Deidara snoring across from you, leaning up as you turned your head to see Sasori out of his slumped over armor puppet as he was leaning against the wall with his eyes closed still. Silently you move, sitting up slowly as not to reopen the wrapped wounds. You moved from under the rolled bed, folding it up as you stood, walking over to Sasori. “Ready.” You whispered, and then went to wake up Deidara from his enchanting of a snore rest. “Deidara, it’s time.” You say, loud enough that it echoed off the cave walls.

The three of you left the cave, seeing that there was only a day in a half left before you three would make it to there. The day flew by, like the driftwood float across the river before you. You stared down watching the driftwood, as you were all relaxing waiting until the night fully dressed over, making your ease from any shinobi or ambo. After all you successfully escaped, but only barely with the staff and your life.

Again even that you owed to Sasori, since he was the one that managed to retrieve you and the staff. A sudden, yet unknowingly you frowned. Kneeling down to the water as you see your reflection bouncing back, so you poked it causing ripples in the water. Both Sasori and Deidara watch your subtitle feel seeing the sadden response. “Mizore?” You hear, Deidara calling to you. “Yes?” You respond, turning your head to the both of them. “We need you to do the jutsu to move the rock.” Sasori says, stopping all thought from leaving Deidara’s lips.

You stood up from off your knees, walking over to the two of them. Your palms move together, to the center of your body as you did hand signs. The ground below shook violently as an earthquake would, while the large boulder moving upward, almost floating up in the sky. Sasori, Deidara then you walked below underneath as the boulder slowly moved down, closing into place. Silently the three of you all walked down the dark corridor, turning right at the end, and then left after twelve paces.

Where you three stood in front of a door, waiting until Sasori knocked on the large black cave door. “Enter.” Came the reply, as you all did as told, entering the door. Again you all fall in line entering one by one, until you closed the door after entering, you all silently waited for Pein to say something as Sasori handed him the staff, from off his back. “How did the mission go?” Asks, Konan as she came into view. “We had a day worth set back.” Sasori says, as both Pein and Konan’s eyes shift all three of you.

Their eyes shift to you, standing nonchalantly behind Deidara and Sasori. “How come?” Pein questions, looking at Sasori. “Mizore was injured in the fight we had.” Replies Sasori. “Very well, you’re all dismissed, and Mizore allow Kakuzu look over you when he returns tonight.” Pein instructs, with you three turning your backs to leave. The door opens, then closes as you went your way and they did the same. You went right back as if you were leaving, but only turned halfway down on the left side towards Kakuzu’s quarters. “Kakuzu?” You called, knocking on his door.

“What do you want, Mizore?” He asks, opening his door partly, just enough to see his bright neon looking eyes, gaze down. “Leader-sama asked for me to come see you about my injuries.” You reply, placing your right hand on his door, pushing on it as he started to back up. Soon enough you sat on his bed, removing your akatsuki coat, showing the wounds on your stomach and arms. Laying on his bed lifting your fishnet like shirt up, revealing the wound on your left side. Once again you managed to open it slightly; you bite down on your lower lip, closing your eyes as the strings from his right wrist move around.

Relaxing as you were, on his bed until you felt him sewing the wound up. “Damn, Kakuzu.” You say, sitting up feeling your flesh tighten roughly. “Don’t move so much.” He says, harshly after you sat up fast, then stood up walking to his door. “I’ll remember that, thanks Kakuzu.” You say, closing his door and walking down the darkened hall to your room. You stopped in front of your door, looking over your shoulder towards Sasori’s door, hearing him silently working. You smiled to yourself, turning around as you tapped your index finger on his door, loudly.

“I’m busy working.” He shouted from the other side of the door, you smiled turning the knob and opening the door to let yourself in. “I know, that’s why I just walked in now.” You say, walking in, closing the door and walking over to his bed. You lay back, comfortably with your right elbow up in the air and your back palm over your eyes. The sound of Sasori working slowly put you to sleep, turning on your left side now fully asleep. Sasori soon finished his newest puppet; he stands up looking over to his bed, only to see you were out cold. He walks over, pulls his cover over you, then sits on the edge of the bed.

He stayed still, just watching over you. Unknowingly you tossed and turned, as his eyes moved over your body. For once he finally saw you, the one person he’s known his whole life, yet the beauty you had kept his gaze. Sasori knows what he wants; he desired to create a puppet version of you to capture your natural beauty that he sees in his eyes. He stood up walking back over to the empty puppets before him, slowly thinking, and pulling together one piece at a time. Every so often Sasori would look over at you, while he created his most loving and perfect masterpiece.

He didn’t know why his chest would beat erratically, his once flesh had warmed whenever he was around you, long ago. Now as he looks down at his puppet hands, he misses the touch he once felt. Unable to hold on to the feeling, as hours pass by, as he put together all the pieces he needed, one by one. Again you tossed to the right side, with Sasori looking every so often at you to make sure his creation would be fully complete. You tossed and turned as if you were having a nightmare, only to wake up rubbing your eyes. You opened your eyes, hearing nothing in the background.

You sat up slowly, hindering to Kakuzu’s words as they played over and over in the back of your head, like a plague. You moved from under the cover, your legs turned from the side over the bed, as you prepared to stand up. Just as you turned fully around you noticed something, a puppet, not just any puppet. One that looked like a complete wooden copy of you. Your right hand reaches out, as your finger tips moved swiftly over the hair, and wooden body. Smiling to yourself you couldn’t help but wish to harbor the feeling deep inside.

You stood up, walking around Sasori’s room. He was nowhere to be in sight, so you walked out his room in search of him, finally passing Itachi’s room as you see the said man walking out his door. “Ita?” You call, using his nickname. His head, eyes and body turns, fully letting you know you got his attention. “Have you seen, Sasori by chance?” You ask. “No.” He replies simply. You walk on past him, as he heads out with Kisame. You walk towards the common room, where the dining and kitchen is. You see Tobi, just before you enter. “Mizore-chan.” He squeals, running up to you. “Tobi-chan.” You sing back, just as childish as he did. You hugged him as he accepted it back, you let go soon after, seeing Deidara look up as you enter.

“Oi, Mizore.” Deidara says, waving to you. Tobi sits near Deidara, as Tobi watches Deidara make some clay art in front of him. “Hey Dei?” You ask, calling over to him, he turns his head looking at you with his blue eye staring. “Have you seen Sasori?” You added, Tobi suddenly jumps up screaming out. “In the kitchen, Mizore-chan!” You smiled at him and turned to head on towards the kitchen but not before you hear Tobi cry out. “Ouch, Deidara-senpai!” That caused you to laugh as you walked into the kitchen, and just as Tobi had said. There sitting down was Sasori, talking to Kakuzu who just so happened to be counting his money.

“Sasori, Kakuzu.” You say, sitting in the other empty chair across from them both. You grabbed the apple from off the table, taking a bite. “Ah!” You hear Tobi screaming, and then one of Deidara’s bombs exploding right after. Tobi soon was being chased by Deidara, who also was tossing his small clay bombs at him. The sounds of explosions and screams, annoyed another who also is a Jashinist, and Kakuzu’s partner too. He came into the kitchen area yelling about the sudden noises and how he could do his ritual because of it.

“Fuck them idiots, I couldn’t fucking do what I was supposed to do.” Hidan says. Kakuzu stands up walking over to Hidan, as he tells him. “We got a job to do, and I need to take in another bounty.” Kakuzu says, and they left right after that leaving you alone with Sasori. You looked up at Sasori, after that seeing his gaze already towards you. “Thank you, Sasori.” You say to him, he tilts his head to the left as if he didn’t know why you were saying that to him. “For the puppet.” You quickly added. He looks down, as his cheek turn a bit red.

Silence engulfs both you and Sasori, until he stands up heading out. You didn’t know what to say, or what to do. Even as you were children you can remember how Sasori acted, and couldn’t help but smile to it. “Wait, Sasori!” You shout, walking out to catch up to him, he stood not far as you walked up to him. “Yes, Mizore?” He questions, seeing your expression on your face. “Why did you make that puppet?” You ask, he looks forward thinking to himself. “To capture my sleeping beauty.” He replies, again blushing.

As he starts again to walk, with you following in silence with his words playing over and over in the back of your mind. ‘My?’ being the word mostly replaying as you thought about it. Rose red color splashed upon your cheeks, as you both halted in front of Sasori’s door once again. He opens his door leaving it as is, to let you come in if you pleased. “Sasori?” You call, closing his door but before you could ask him anything his lips brushed upon yours. So heated, full of regressed compassion held into the kiss. He pulls away first, your eyes fully open from being clearly surprised.

It was so unlike Sasori, yet you felt compelled to hold him in your arms. To you he was like a security blanket over you, the warmth you received was such a feeling to you longed to return. Out of nowhere you leaned in, pressing your lips to his while you close your eyes and relaxed in his welcoming embrace. His arms tightly wrapped around you, pulling you closer. For a good ten minutes your lips stayed glued to his, until the need for air broke free. His lips trailed down your cheek, and jaw basking on the side of your neck as he mellowed down.

“Sasori.” You whispered, as your fingers loosely find their way into his red messy hair. You could hear him groan, against your skin as you grasped his hair. Your body began to act on its own, like the fire inside of you wouldn’t if under water lose its flame. He rocked your body like an earthquake, as you did to him like torture. He moved back up to your lips, capturing them once again as his left hand moved elsewhere all around your body, tickling your skin. You squirmed in his arms as Sasori lay you on your back, across his bed.

His lips and tongue move together, over every inch as he trails down your neck and over your chest. His lips molded over every crevice that they pressed against, laying with your eyes closed, arms up with your hands both unconsciously next to your head. Sasori moves from your chest, leaning propped up on his right elbow as his left arm moves, slowly over your fishnet clothing, as he moved it up and over your head, tossing it aside. Again he leans forward down, towards your lips kissing them with fiery passion.

If anything the fire leaving his lips, would of left burns all across your body. His left hand cups your right breast, while he slowly massaged it in a circular way. As his lips leave you, moving back down to your now fully exposed chest, you opened your eyes with pure excitement, as his mouth firmly engulfs your plump round nipple. He sucks on it for a moment, then let’s goes licking around the nipple before he moves to your left breast, and he moves slightly to lean on his other elbow as it supports him the same way he did previously.

Your eyes closes again, moans softly leave your lips as your breath did. Over and over he moved from one breast to the other. Lifting both your legs up, as he swiftly, and sharply rip your pants off, tossing them aside just as he did with your fishnet shirt. You gasped clutching your right hand into a fist, then releasing it just as fast while his fingers moved in between your thighs. Sasori stood tall even on his knees, with both your legs hung over his shoulders. He leans forward in between, as his finger tips gracefully move in your moistening folds, rubbing them softly.

“Sasori.” You moaned, moving your right hand down to ruffle his red hair, while you moved your left hand to your lips. Biting down on your knuckles, as he slowly started teasing your wet clit with his tongue. Your move more than ever crave for his touch, you moved in ways you never thought about even when you were alone. Never this much excitement screamed, as your eyes glazed over. Your nether region, partly now being explored by not most trusted and close friend.

Sasori noticed, seeing your juices coming out slowly, he continues with right fingers massaging over your clit as his left went to your entrance. He sticks two of his fingers in, moving circular rotation as he moved in and out, slowly. He picks up pace, after hearing your musical voice rock your body in many echoes, with you moaning his name over and over. He knew that his member was more than ready to take you as you lay, right then and there. Yet for some reason he was enjoying his teasing, the feeling he thought as it crossed his mind. As if he was controlling you like one of his puppets, he feels your wall tighten, causing him to come out of his thoughts.

Clearly he wanted you much more then he thought, just as you came he moved his mouth to your entrance, licking up your sweet delicious melted candy. Just as he leans up, you move grabbing him, as you push him on his back. To his surprise, as his eyes wide open stare up at you, as a smirk plays down on your lips. You press your lips to his roughly, letting him know that you truly love him. If words meant nothing, you were just going to show him. Moving down from his lips, removing his cloak, and just as fast you removed his pants. His thick, long member stands out, like a needle in a hay stack. Eye poking ready, as you wrap your hand and fingers around it.

Fingers firmly, not tightly around his throbbing member as you start to stroke him slowly. His eyes close with a pain stricken look upon his expression. His face stayed in a mocking way, like he was holding back. You smirked to his distorted expression, sticking out your tongue as you lick the tip of his cock. You leaned down more directing his dick to your awaiting, moist lips. A small panting like moan whisked, lightly from his lips. Barely breathable words, escape with a hinting tone of lust as your name leave right after.

“Mizore.” He whispered, feeling himself soon coming to unbelieveable relief. You continued to move your head up and down, bobbing with flowing rthym. Your siliva soaking his length, as you felt him pulse in your mouth. Soon after you moved your head up to his tip, Sasori released his seed upon your lips. You licked your lips, tasting his sweet nectur. While swallowing what was left, as you slowly crawled up and over him. Sasori watches you with excitement blaring in his eyes. You smiled, leaning forward pressing your lips to his.

Out of nowhere you were flipped on your back once again, with your legs high and up over his shoulders. He leans gently forward, putting a bit of pressure on your lower regions. Then he leaned back up again, allowing your legs to firmly wrap around his mid-section, just partly up above his waist. You closed your eyes, feeling him enter your warm, moist core. Pain flushes all over, your eyes formed tears as they tighten. Sasori watches your face, he leans in licking away your fresh, salty tears. You open your eyes, immediately wrapping your arms around his shoulders.

“Why do you cry?” He asks. You look deeply into his gaze, seeing once again since he became a puppet, he was not familiar with that feeling. “It is because I am happy.” You reply, with a warm smile. A smile truly meant for him, you didn’t want to let him know that he was taking your virginity. He moved out, but not all the way, as he came back in slowly. He seems to understand once your tears clouded away, and moans grasping out of your lips as he picks up pace. In and out, deep and rough, as he goes with in your wet pussy. Sasori pulls out all the way, and slams back in, very hard. This jerked your body, causing your breast to bounce with his movements.

You arch your hips up, meeting his thrusts with every moment he penetrated you. Deep, softly yet all around warmth emitted from your body to his. Sasori longed to have you in his arms, yet he was more than unwilling to transform what he truly wanted; the ability to feel. He wished for the moment that he could truly caress the warmth, viberating like the echoes of your voice.

“Naahh-Sasori!” You screamed, feeling yourself tighten around his thich, long member. Sasori moans, loudly almost like a lion’s roar. He leans forward, thrusting with his strong might, feeling himself below tightly surrounded. You both knew that you were nearing your end, grasping onto each other, arms tightly around his and your shoulders.

In and out, deep and hard, Sasori’s body ravaging yours with a sheen coat of sweat, dripping from your body. A masking scent, raced up his nose, he enhales deeply. Both your and his body still clung together, rocking steadily, yet he still managed to thrust violently in and out of you. His cock pulsing more and more, while you still tighter if possible around him. You leaned your head back, as his stayed in the crook of your neck, while he were placing gentle kisses, as you came.

“Sasor!” You screamed, he continues moving, until he plunges deeper then before, staying still as you felt him come inside of you. “Mizore.” He grunted, with a deep voice. Sasori moves to the side, laying to your left with his eyes closed. He soon opens them when you pulled up his cover, laying it over both of your bodies. He turns to his side, staring deeply with in your gaze. “Mizore…” He says, trailing off as he turns his head looking towards the mini puppets on his table.

“Yes, Sasori?” You reply, once again he turns to you. His firm, yet loving gaze captures you. “How do you feel about becoming a puppet…with me?” He asks, you sit up, moving your upper body to lean over his. “Sasori, through Sand and Time, I’ll love you, my dearest puppet.” You say, he smiles vaguely, nodding his head in understanding to your wish. After it quieted down, you and Sasori both close your eyes, falling fast asleep.

Dreaming of both each other…Sand and Time, a puppets love. His love for you, while dreaming of creating your new soon to be puppet body, when ever you so choose.

13 comments:

  1. 'His thick, long member stands out, like a needle in a hay stack.'

    That makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. Do you even know what that expression means? If not, allow me to elaborate then; basically what that means is something that is hard to find or spot, because one could easily mistaken a needle for a straw of hay since they're both thin, therefore the former would NOT stand out.

    Also, you point out numerous times how Sasori is unable to feel, yet you have him moaning/groaning/grunting as he feels the tightening sensation of Mizore on his member, something that requires nerve endings, so that's a contradictory statement right there.

    And need I remind you that since he's a puppet, he has no dick, and therefore cannot have hot monkey sex with your Mary-Sue OC. Stick to the damn Canon or don't write at all.

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    1. I know what I meant, and this was written in a way different from a lot of characters. I do understand and I wasn't aiming to make sense. This was created solely for the purpose of the someone who requested it, if you don't like it don't read it, simple as that.

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    2. Unnecessary! If you don't like the fanfiction then don't read it. Don't be rude and bash her work like this! >:(

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    3. I agree she is an awesome writer and if you want to be hate on it then to hell with you.

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  2. Its a fanfiction story created from the imagination of the writer, Sam. Let people write how they want to, regardless of if it makes sense to you. Why did you read it if you dont think Sasori cant have sex? Just to criticize? I beg of you in the kindest of ways, my friend. Dont be a dick.

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  3. Just because it's fanfiction doesn't mean that you should have to go against all things canon. Many fans frown upon such ways of writing, especially if there aren't any logical explanations behind it.

    Moreover, who ever said I was against the idea of Sasori having sex? I don't mind it, just as long as it MAKES SENSE. Honestly there are other ways to write lemons of him as a puppet (with no reproductive organs, of course). Or if you're up to date with the manga, there's a LOT one can do with a revived and HUMAN Sasori (I've yet to actually see this myself, but praise the Heavens when I finally do).

    That's why I'm here, giving you a critique, because I just so happened to come across this lemon while searching for any good ones (which I obviously have not found). Sorry to say, but this is just how the fanfiction community works. Don't think everyone is going to praise your work all the time, for there is no such thing as a perfect story. It happens all the time, fanfiction or original stories.

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    1. I don't doubt that, and I do thank you for your critique but I don't want my stories to be way close to the lines of copy write, however I know that there are ways around that and still have a good story with sense. I don't pretend to be a professional and nor do I feel I am. I just write these for the pure enjoyment. Wanting them to be my own even though the characters are from another, I want the story to be my own and I understand many want the plots to be one way, and of course make sense but fanfiction items are fantasy so in that thought I find no reason to worry about how I phrase certain verses in my stories. I know there are many that may dislike, and I agree no story is perfect but then again that is the fun about making a fantasy story, you don't always have to make sense of what is being said. This is only my point of view and you don't have to agree or disagree, just as how you feel is your own this be my own feeling. Aside from that I don't have a problem with having flaw in my story pointed out, but with respect because I wouldn't disrespect someone over something they create.

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  4. this is perfect, dont change a thing. Sasori is a hot ass puppet and I love ever inch of him. And it is fan-fic... fan FIC FICTION. aka, a fan girl/guy can do anything to the character he or she wishes. For example, If i wanted to Pein to be a prissy, highheal wearing, gender bender, I can do that... (if he dressed like Jeffree Star I'd just drool hahaha) and this character is no Mary-Lou, she cant fight to save her soul. >_> As for what ever 'Sam' says. I'm sorry, you'r wrong, its perfect the way it is, and if you cant fallow along and just go with it, you're never gonna find what youc all 'good' lemons.

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  5. Me wrong? No, dear, I believe you're the one who's sorely mistaken. Like I have said before, fanfiction does not in any way warrant you rights to rape the shit out of the canon characters personalities. This story is flawed in every way imaginable, so stop acting like she's the next Shakespeare or something.

    God forbid you were to write Pain like that, people will definitely hate you for it and repeat the very same thing I have told you and the author of this story.

    By the way, if you're going to try and prove me wrong, why don't you work on you're spelling, grammar and punctuation first. Maybe then I'd take you seriously, because as of now, I'm just about on the brink of laughing to myself.

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  6. P.S You must be either a 12 or 16 year old girl if you like Jeffree Star. Just, ew.

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    1. there is a fine line between constructive criticism and destructive criticism.

      since you sam are obviously to thick, hard-headed and stubborn admit that you yourself are indeed, acting like a total dick. I will spell out the obvious to you.

      yes you have a right to criticize, however it is entirely unnecessary to attack one like you are. your words of just poor pathetic ego centric narcissism are not going to help anyone at all. Why not actually get off your ass and learn to appropriately social so you don't make so much of an ass of yourself next time ok?

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    2. if u dont like it sam dont read it and go somewhere else coz it is fanfiction after all it doesnt have to match the actual manga as it would be copyright so do one

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  7. Ok my names Sam I'm not THAT Sam but I agree with every one else its a good lemon fan fiction and I love xXzsweetzmakikoxXx stuff u know people like u give us sams a bad name ok if u don't like it do us a fave either don't like it or if u can't say anything nice don't say anything at all ok I'm not trying to be mean or rude but but how would u like it if someone did this much criticism to u its mean and I consider it bullying which is almost illegal now ok so either be quiet or don't read same goes for u icyemoprincess k

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